I'll Fix You (A ballad for a broken Friendship)

There's this song on the latest Coldplay album called Fix You . It's so simple and affecting that it makes me want to cry every time I hear it.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you canÂ’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you....

Today, more than most days, that song resonated within me. Because today I saw my son's heart break.

I had this seen that this was going to happen in the last few weeks. Part of me hates myself right now for not doing anything, but, then part of me wasn't quite sure what to do. Let me explain.

Pretty much from the first week of school, Henry became really really close to this one kid named*Bn. To say there were inseparable would be putting it mildly. They bonded because they were pretty much the only kids who didn't go to Linscott Pre-school or didn't have an older sibling at Linscott already plus, they both loved Star Wars. They were constantly asking to have a playdate or go to lunch together. They were really really happy with each other. I'm not romantisizing this, they really were. I'd see them in circle and*Bn would put his arm around Henry. At recess they would go run around the playground just the two of them making up games. They made up a game called Castle Adventure with their own rules. They were in a world of their own. They were happy.

A few weeks ago, the teacher, Odile was talking to us at session and she talked about friendships. She warned me then, that things would change eventually. She said that Henry, being one of the younger kids in class just wasn't at the same emotional developmental level as*Bn. She didn't say it directly at me but, explained that kids friendships change at this age and that feelings will get hurt . Maybe I should have started to prepare Henry for the inevitable then. Maybe I should have told him to lay-off. I don't know... They were just so close and Henry is such a great kid I guess I was denial. I guess I didn't want to believe that anyone would not want to hang out with my Henry.

Well, for the last few days now, whenever I picked up Henry from school, Henry was quiet. I'd ask him if something was wrong and he'd say "no" so I didn't pry though, I knew deep down, there was something. Then, a few days ago, I noticed Henry desperately saying goodbye to his friend and*Bn just sort of ignoring him and looking away. Then today my fears came to full light

It was my regularly scheduled workday in the class room. It was recess and as usual Henry and*Bn were running around in the playground. But, about halfway through recess, Kristin, who sits at Henry's home table came up to us (me, Odile and Tracy another parent) and told us that*Bn wasn't being nice to Henry. I thought they were o.k. at first. But, it turns out that Henry wasn't running with*Bn he was running after him. He was trying to get his friend, the guy he had spent 20 plus recesses with, to play with him again.

Turns out,*Bn was now "with" this other kid Marcus Chavez. They were really the ones playing together. They were running away from Henry. They were actively excluding him. And it made me so sad to watch Henry trying to run after them. The teacher and I talked to Henry and tried to explain to him that*Bn just wasn't in the mood to play with him today. And at first he seemed o.k. He played around for the rest of the recess but, when recess was over that's when it happened. It's one of those moments that I will never forget as long as I live.

Odile called all the kids to get in line. Henry tried to get his usual spot behind*Bn and I saw*Bn push him away and tell Henry that Marcus was there now. And I watched as Henry started to walk to the back of the line, he put his hands to his face, and he started to cry.

At that point, I went to my boy, picked him up and carried him. I was glad I was there for him but, I was also so angry inside - like a tigress protecting her cub angry. It took everything within me not to just throttle that kid for hurting my boy so bad. Seriously. I was shaking inside.

We got through the rest of the day o.k. Henry sat with me at the library after recess and he was still kinda crying. At circle time, he didn't sit with*Bn but, I noticed him watching him. *Bn did show some concern. He asked me why Henry was crying and I told him that Henry was hurt but, that it was o.k for*Bn to have other friends. (Though, deep down inside, I wanted to go all banshee on that kid. I wanted to tell him, "He's crying because you hurt him. It's you're fault! You made my boy love you and then you stomped all over his heart. It's your fault!!")

Thankfully, when we got home there was a message from Caroline asking to see if Henry wanted to play with her son Kahler. Henry's known Kahler since they were 11 months old. We've been playing phone tag for weeks! Caroline took them to the park and Henry played the rest of the afternoon with his good friend.

Today also happened to be our Parent-Teacher Conference day. After Henry left with Caroline and Kahler, Matt came home for lunch and we got ready to go to the Parent-Teacher Conference. I told Matt what happened today, and I started to cry. I tried to cry it all out but, as soon as we got into the classroom and Odile brought it up. I started to cry again. She reiterated what she said that this is just a developmental thing. That*Bn is almost 6 and is ready to explore new friendships. That this is all a part of Kindergarten, of social learning..That Henry will get over this. She said that*Bn has actually dealt with this better than some kids. He hasn't been physically or emotionally abusive to Henry at all. She said that*Bn is having a hard time too because he likes Henry, Henry is still his friend, but, he just want to have more socialinteractionn than just Henry. And I know she's right. And I know he will be o.k. But, it still hurt, and what worse is I don't know how long it's still going to hurt Henry. I don't want this to stick with him. I don't want it to scar him. I hope it won't

On the good side of this, Odile said Henry is very bright and is excelling in school. He's one of two kids in the entire class who has successfully completed all the homework so far. She said that Henry's reading ability just "blew her away." He just whizzes through the books without even having to sound out the words! He's needs a little help with phonics but, other than that he's progressing very well. He is an amazing creative kid who draws elaborate pictures during journal time. Our kids is great!

I have so many feelings going through me right now. I don't know if the answer that kids are just developing is enough of an answer for me. I don't know. It's just not fair! I feel like Henry got gipped. It seems to me like*Bn has the tendency to sort of glom onto one person and treat that person like they are the world. He did this to Henry. He made himself Henry's world and then in a blink of an eye he took Henry's world away. I don't think that's fair. Part of me wants to tell Henry to never talk to that boy again for fear that he will hurt him again. I give*Bn rides to school on Monday and part of me just want to tell his parents I don't want to pick him up anymore. But, that just wouldn't be right. It's just so hard to watch Henry get hurt and to not be able to fix it . He's always been such a happy kid and to see someone who is naturally happy and excited about life get totaled like that, to see my child get totaled like that makes me rage inside. Don't worry, I'm not letting Henry see all this. He hasn't seen me cry on his behalf. He has no idea I feel this way. The last thing I want is my boy to worry about my feelings. Tomorrow is another day. Matt and I plan to just give Henry more encouragement in the coming weeks, to stand by him and let him know that whatever happens his family and his home will always be here for him . That's the best we can do...

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth


Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you...

Birthdays, Business trips, the Big 10, Halloween and heck it's November already!

I can't believe it's November! Where did all the time go? Here is what happened last month.

On the first week of October our good friends Cindy and Mary had their baby Collin James! He is so perfect, with a round head and the sweetest most laid back disposition! I am so happy for them! When Matt, the kids and I went to visit them in the hospital, the nurse addressed Matt as the father! Ha! "He's not the father," we all exclaimed at the same time. Boy was the nurse's face red!

Matt turned 34 in a different time zone! For the second and third week of October Matt was way busy. He was in New York, Chicago, Kansas City, Dallas, and L.A.! At least he got to see a couple movies in between the traveling. He saw Serenity, Capote and A History of Violence All really good movies in his opinion. Poor guy was so jet lagged when he got back. I got a cake from The Buttery ready for Matt when he got home. I took Sam with me to the Bakery and he when we got home he so upset that we weren't having the cake right away. I kept telling him that it was for when his daddy came home. So, when Matt walked in the door from his long trip the first words out of Sam's mouth was "birthday cake! Birthday cake!" He kept saying that everytime his dad walked through the door for at least a week! "Birthday cake! Birthday cake!"

Unfortunately, Matt was in the middle of his trip on our 10 year wedding anniversary too! When he got back we took the kids to a movie and dinner at Applebees. It was nice to just get out for a change. We went to see the latest Wallace and Gromit movie The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. It was hilarious! Too cute! The kids were pretty well behaved and Sam even ate more than Henry! Of course, when the dessert (chocolate cake) came out the boys went after it like 2 dogs searching for a bone!

And last week Henry's class visited an Organic Farm in Watsonville and picked pumpkins. The farm is right next to this old rickety house that looked perfect for Halloween, so I took some pictures of it.

I bought Henry a pair of rubber boots just for the occasion. Of course, he managed to fall anyway!. The lady who owned the farm, Jeanne, also has a stand where they sell all that they grow. She had this celery that was the brightest green I have ever seen and it was darn fresh! I had never tasted a piece of celery so fresh. It was almost sweet! She also had some great carrots which Henry tried. There was no way he was trying the celery!

And yesterday the kids at Linscott had a Harvest Festival and were able to come in their costumes to school. There was a parade and then each class had these booths where kids could do activities like paint a pumpkin or do a cake walk. Linscott is a very health concious school so all the treats were healthy and the baked goods were sugar free! Henry did the cake walk and won a chocolate cupcake and he and Sam gobbled the thing up without any hesitation. They didn't even miss the sugar!

As you can see, Henry was Nintendo Mario this year! He'd been asking to be Mario for a while so I did my best to get a costume ready for him. It's not something you find pre-made anywhere. Maybe in the 80's or 90's when Mario was big but, certainly not now! I found most things at Target. The only thing I had a hard time trying to find was the perfect hat. I found one that was green so I tried to dye it. It came out mostly a brownish red as you can see but, I think it turned out o.k. During the parade when Henry walked down the steps the older kids were chanting "Mario! Mario!" so it was a complete success!

For Halloween night, Cindy, Mary, Lilly and lil Collin came over. We also invited Henry's classmate Braelen and his parents Dave and Watonka. Lilly was in this gorgeous Tinkerbell gown and Braelen was a Ring Wraith from Lord of the Rings. I was worried that Lilly would be frightened but, she wasn't at all! And our Sam was (what else) Thomas the Tank Engine! He was swimming in the costume. Mary ingeniously tied a small string belt around him so he wouldn't be stepping on it. Of course the moment we went out the door Sammy was chanting "Take it off! Take it off Mommy!" But, after we got to the first couple of houses and he realized that the costume was getting him candy - he was fine. It was so cute watching them, say "Trick or Treat!" and "Thank you" with a few "I'm Mario" or "I'm Tinkerbell" tossed in. The reception for Henry's costume was funny all around. You could tell who grew up in the 80's because they really got a kick out of his costume.

The neighborhood yielded a bunch o' candy - as expected - though not as much this year as last. I didn't mind that, just that it was kinda annoying that some porch lights were on but, no one was answering the door for candy! I mean if you're not going to give candy, at least leave your porch light off. Anyway, I had bought some take-n-bake pizzas from Papa Murphy's before we went off to Trick or Treat so by the time we got back Matt had baked them all. We had pizza and talked while the kids played. All in all it was a fun night!

Whew! Now we are in November. I can't believe it. Before I forget I must remember to give a "shout out" (why does it sound so uncool when I say that??) to a few people. Our friends Casey and Amy had birthdays last month, so, Happy Birthday ladies!! They're both of Norweigan decent so they still look like teenagers even though (cough cough) they're in their early 30s. In fact, Casey told me she just got carded a few weeks ago!

Then I want to wish Baldo's dad, Baldomero Senior a speedy recovery. He had a clotted artery in his legs and was hospitalized for at least a month. He's home now and Baldo and his sisters are all working together to take care of him. I hope he gets better soon!

Then last, but not least I want to wish a super happy good luck to Bev and Wes and their little pea-in-a-pod girl, who is going to make her appearance in less than two weeks! There has been some rare complications with Bev's pregnancy so she's on bed rest till November 14!! I can't wait! Babies are so wonderful!

Thanksgiving will be here soon, then Christmas. We got a brochure from Toys R Us in the mail this weekend and Henry has already gone through and circled everything he wants to Christmas! And it's pretty much everything! Sam just keeps staring at the train page. It's hilarious. Well, that's it for now. Hopefully, I'll get back to update all sooner rather than later!